i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
