it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
