Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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