The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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