There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
