She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
