I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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