I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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