my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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