Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
