The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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