First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
