This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
