you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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