ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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