I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
