did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
