You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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