I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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