Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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