Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
