Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
