I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
