Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
