so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
