nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
