Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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