I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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