Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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