i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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