about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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