I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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