The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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