Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
