I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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