dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
