you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
try to milk me bitch
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