You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
