so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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