Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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