Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
