nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
