If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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