i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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