"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
