how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
