No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
