When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
