omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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