margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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