I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
