the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
