I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
